Conditional Parenting or Unconditional Parenting

Written by Christy Whitman December 26, 2012
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It is my belief that we need to parent with the same principles that the Universe is run by. That is why I feel it is so important to teach your children at a very young age about the Law of Attraction (what you give out in your energy—thoughts, feelings, emotions—comes back to you) and the Law of Abundance (everything in our reality is abundant, and the Universe only knows abundance).

Many parenting experts will take a stand on needing to have strong conditions in parenting, and others will say it needs to be unconditional parenting where we are always showing love no matter what.

I say we need to do both.

We need to show our children that hitting your brother is not okay and there needs to be a consequence for that, but at the same time, just because that behavior was not appreciate, it does not mean the love is now gone.

Whenever my kids behave in a way that is unacceptable, like if one hurts the other sibling, or they throw food on the floor, or they speak in a disrespectful way, that behavior is not ignored. It is addressed and we tell them what we do expect.

“You need to love your brother. He is your best friend for life. You love him and are kind to him.”

“Please don’t speak to me that way. I don’t speak to you that way. Speak to me in a loving and kind way.”

“We don’t throw food on the floor. Food stays on your plate or goes in your mouth.”

We make sure they understand, but the love always is there.

One day Alex hit his brother and I was not happy. For those of you who have more than one child, when your baby hurts your other baby, it is such a strange feeling. That momma bear wants to protect her baby from anything that would hurt him, but what if the thing that’s hurting him is your other baby? It’s not easy being a parent!

So Alex went to a time out. Afterwards, I explained to him that he is a good person and Maxim is his brother and he needs to love him. Maxim is his best friend and he needs to treat him with kindness.

Later that night he said, “You still love me?”

I took this as a teachable moment to explain that even though he does something that I don’t appreciate or approve of, my love for him will never change. I decided to start telling him that anytime he needs a little behavior correcting.

“I love you and always will. Whatever you do, good or bad, that will not change.”

So our children need to know what the conditions are, because that is the same with the Universe. There are conditions. If you do this, then this will happen. We live in a cause and effect world. That is a Universal principle. If they are not taught that their behaviors have consequences, because we are afraid to be conditional in our parenting, they will have a false sense of how the Universe works.

They also need to know that love will never go away. Love is always there. That is where the unconditional piece comes in. Even though they did something that does not make us happy, that love is always there and it never changes for them.

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