Mixed Families

Written by Christy Whitman September 5, 2012
parent

Years ago, I had the pleasure of being a stepmom for eight years. Now that I have my own children, I can see that there are so many more dynamics involved when there are mixed families. I see my girlfriends that have children, who are also separated from their children’s daddies, go through some difficulty because of the differences in thinking.

One thing that always empowered me and my former partner to make the right decisions regarding my stepson was to always ask, “Is this in the best interest of Ryan?”

When I first met my former partner, his relationship with his son’s mom was not good and they fought a lot. There were a lot of egos that were involved and even though they thought they were doing it all for Ryan, it was really to make themselves feel right or justified. All I know is that when two parents argue and fight, it directly affects the child.

We all sat down and had a conversation that we need to get along and really ask ourselves if what we are doing is in the best interest of Ryan. Once we had that conversation, the fighting stopped and the egos got less involved in the parenting process.

If you are in a situation where you are not with the other parent of your child, what ways can you make sure there is consistency in your child’s life? For example, can both parents in two separate homes read the same book before going to bed? Can you both work with a program like the Enlightened Kid Program to empower your child?

Remember that your child loves both you and your former partner. Remember that this person did help you create this amazing being. When you start to shift your own perception about your child’s mom or dad, the relationship will shift too.

If there is tension, anger, resentment, or anything that keeps you from feeling appreciation for your former partner, work with those emotions so that you can be neutral and you will see a different relationship develop. This is in the best interest of your child.

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